Drunken Rampage
by A Random Storyteller
Summary: My very first fanfic, so constructive criticism is very welcome. I was inspired to make this story after seeing a picture on danbooru. A commander decides to drink his sorrows away with a ship girl by his side, but he gets more than he expects. MUCH more. Rated T for alcohol consumption.


Note: This is my first fanfic, so constructive criticism is very welcome!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kancolle. If I did, there would already have been an English version of it.

I also do not own the drawing that this fic is based off of.

While surfing on Danbooru, I came across a picture and was inspired to make a fanfiction based on it. You can find the link to the picture at the end of the story. It is also the cover image of this fanfic.

Well, here it is, so enjoy.

Currently, this is planned to be a one-shot, but if people want more, then I can try to do more.

If any part of this violates the rules and guidelines, please let me know and I will do my best to fix the problem

 **Drunken Rampage**

Another day, another defeat.

The admiral pondered over his latest string of defeats. To be exact, the newest defeat has brought the count to 10 consecutive losses against his fellow admirals. He sighed. Sooner or later he would become the laughingstock among the admiralty and be forced to resign due to the immense shame.

Whatever. The past is the past. Tonight is a night to drink out one's sorrows!

The night is young, the cellars are full, and the company is waiting!

As he set up his office for his visitor, he set down a table with several bottles of vodka, complimented by a small contingent of shot glasses.

Something then clicked in his head… There needs to be more anti-air and anti-submarine warfare capabilities in his fleet. After all, the glass bottles and shot glasses were very vulnerable to attack from below the table, and Admiralty forbid if his bottle of vodka was taken by surprise from above.

Gaaah!

He slapped his hands on his cheeks. He really needs to take a break from all this.

 **Time check: 2200**

After all the preparations were finished, he heard a few soft knocks on the door. The reinforcements have arrived.

"Come in."

"Excuse me, Commander," said the newcomer.

A young girl stepped into the room. She was wearing a white belted button-up sailor uniform, black skirt and thighhighs, and a white hat with a hammer and sickle and star on it. To be honest, it really did complement her white hair and blue eyes very well.

"Welcome, Hibi- I mean, Verniy. Sorry for messing up your name again."

Ever since Hibiki got remodeled, she changed her name to Verniy, which meant faithful in Russian. The whole base still is having a hard time remembering the new name.

"It's okay, Commander," she replied.

After she took a seat next to him, an awkward silence permeated through the room.

Finding any way to break the silence, the Admiral panicked.

"Uuuummm- um-um-um-um-um-um… Here! This is for you!"

He thrust a bottle of vodka towards Verniy.

"…Spasibo," (Thank you), she said as she took the bottle, opened it up, and started drinking it.

…Another awkward moment of silence.

"Eeeeerm… How is the vodka, Verniy?"

"Khorosho. I can feel power flowing from this," she replied as she gave her smile of satisfaction.

"Whew, that's good. I was afraid it was of low quality, since all the alcohol here was brewed by the military."

He daintily opened up another vodka bottle and filled up a shot glass with its contents.

Holding up the glass to toast her, he said, "To our health."

"To our health," Verniy replied as she returned the gesture.

With a dull clunk, glass met bottle, and both withdrew as their respective contents were drained.

The next hour and a half passed by without incident

 **Time Check: 0000**

The admiral and Verniy both managed to get through several bottles of vodka. The admiral decided to stop drinking, as he was already feeling a little tipsy. Verniy, on the other hand, kept on drinking.

 _I guess that she does hold her alcohol well_ , he thought as she finished the contents of another bottle.

Maybe it is because of the fact that she is a shipgirl, maybe it is because she just holds her alcohol extremely well, but time passed as she downed another bottle of vodka.

 **Half an hour later**

Looking back at how many bottles he had placed on the table, maybe 15 bottles for 2 people was way too much. There was no way that either of them could finish 15 bottles in one night. He then checked on Verniy, who managed to finish 4 bottles of vodka, last time he checked.

*Hiccup*

"Man, she's probably tipsy now," he thought. Maybe he should tuck her into the spare futon he had in his office.

"HeEeEEEy… CoManDah," she slurred.

"HuuUUh?" He himself was already starting to feel the alcohol kick in.

"Come 'ere."

The admiral obediently started to crawl over to where Verniy sat, half-expecting a mild drunken antic from her.

SLAP!

Verniy slapped the admiral right across the cheek, leaving a red, angry handprint to tell the tale. The admiral, surprised at this sudden act of aggression, rolled over, clutching his red cheek in pain.

"What was that for?"

Verniy suddenly giggled, and started to sing in what was presumably Russian while advancing upon the admiral.

In his drunken stupor, the admiral suddenly went to his desk, dipped his pen in ink, and wrote down the distress code: "SOS"

Verniy suddenly drop-kicked the table, sending the admiral flying back on his chair and spilling the ink all over the desk.

"Hey sailor, Hey sailor

In the dark night the enemy prowls"

The admiral was lying flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him. He glanced at the paper in his hand, and got up with a new mission: escape this room by any means possible and give the paper to the 1st Carrier Division. He ran in a straight line towards the exit.

"Defeat the darkness,

Track the enemy,

Keep the sea under your sharp gaze,

Border guard!"

Verniy suddenly stepped in front of him, and delivered a terrific chest blow with the palms of her hands.

Wham! The admiral fell down in a heap, only to retreat and to attempt to get past Verniy in a different route.

Unfortunately, all attempts were met with failure. Exhausted, bruised, and battered, the admiral decided to stay down for the time being.

At that moment, Verniy decided to stop advancing towards the admiral and start waving her hands as if she was conducting an orchestra.

"Above the gray abyss,

May you, song, fly like an order!"

Verniy looked like she was having the time of her life. Her frantically waving arms, uneven and unsteady step, slurred voice, and constant laughter betrayed her intoxication. She definitely would not last much longer.

Deciding the time was right, the admiral sprung into motion. Racing forwards, he saw her move in front of him in anticipation of his charge.

A feint left! Right! Left! Right! The admiral was making steady progress while being able to prevent himself from getting hit again. Once in a while, he would switch up his movements to prevent Verniy from reading his movements.

Dodging yet another attack, he then rejoiced. The end was in sight! The door was right in front of him, and Verniy suddenly moved off to the side. He could taste sweet freedom in the warm covers of his futon behind a locked door.

He then commenced a final charge.

"UUOOOOOOOOH!"

He dove under a table and ran towards the exit… only to slip on something.

BAM!

He hit the ground hard, with stars appearing in his vision. With no more strength to muster, all he could do was stay down and look at the object responsible for his downfall: an empty vodka bottle.

Suddenly a small hand gripped the neck of the bottle, slowly lifting it up. It was Verniy. Fearing for the worst, the admiral attempted to crawl over to the exit.

"Both on the water and underwater

The enemy won't pass!"

He felt a hand grab him by the collar and pull him back to the center. It was over. Operation Freedom has failed, and he was now at the mercy of Verniy. He was then turned face down.

"Will I be executed?" He thought. Fortunately for him, Verniy had other plans.

He felt a foot plant itself on his bottom, and looked back. Verniy looked as if she had defeated a great monster, and in a triumphant pose, planted one foot on the corpse and raised her weapon of a vodka bottle high in the air. She then proceeded to repeatedly stomp on him as she continued to warble out Russian.

Before he passed out, the Admiral had one thought: If shipgirls do have some sort of rebellious phase in their lifetime, does Verniy have a revolutionary phase?

 **Time Check: 1417**

"Uuuuuugh…"

The admiral opened his eyes, and felt the pain work its way up his body. Every muscle in his body was screaming for mercy, and his head felt like it could split into two at any moment. He instantly recognized where he was. He was in his office, lying down on the soft, cool bamboo mats. His head was on something soft and warm… and black.

Turning his head up, he was met with a pair of blue eyes.

"V-V-Verniy?! What are you doing here?"

"Lap pillow."

Then it dawned on him. The warmth and softness below his head belonged to her thighs. The current military time was 1420. Which means…

"Gah!" He quickly got up, and instantly felt his head start aching again.

"Verniy, how long have you been my pillow for?"

"I woke up at 0900. Since you were still asleep, I wanted to make you as comfortable as possible. Oh, and here is some headache medicine."

"Ah, thanks." He took the medicine, and then asked, "So… You've been here for almost four and a half hours straight?! Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"Why ask? Do you not like it when I put your head on my lap?"

"No… That's not the problem. The problem is why you would go to such lengths for an admiral like me. Are your legs not asleep? And don't you have prac-"

Verniy placed a finger on his lips, asking for his silence. She then smiled.

"It is because I am your secretary ship. Ever since I became your secretary ship, I promised to do everything in my power to help you no matter what the cost. I will even give my life for your-"

This time it was the admiral's turn to silence her, this time with a comforting pat on the head. "Don't say such things. I value your lives over mine. There may be thousands of admirals waiting in line to take over command and hundreds of Verniys out there, but only the Verniy I need is the one and only Verniy in front of me right now."

Verniy's face turned a scarlet red in response to this as she turned her head away. "That is why I… I… I –"

GRRRRRRRRRR

"Sorry," the admiral said, looking a little sheepish.

"It's okay. I prepared some pirozhki earlier today for brunch."

"That would be awesome. Thank you."

"I-It's nothing," said Verniy as she walked outside the room.

The admiral rubbed his eyes to make sure that the red on her cheeks was not a trick on his eyes, but by the time he cleared his eyes, she was gone.

"Verniy's Russian food, huh?" It was a pretty well-known fact that Verniy's Russian gourmet was not only good, but perfect for cold weather.

As the admiral got up, he had to admit: he already have begun to miss Verniy's lap pillow. Not only that, but she gave him headache medicine to clear his headache, and she is personally making him Russian food.

He just couldn't believe that his secretary ship could be that sweet.

Suddenly, the memories of last night hit him. He froze in horror at the memory of being stomped on by a drunk Verniy. Uuuuugh… That night was a total wreck.

But Verniy is so sweet… Maybe it was all a nightmare? After all, the room is so neat and tidy compared its messy state from the memory. Ah, it definitely was a nightmare.

He walked over to his desk to get started on the day's work when he noticed a suspicious ink stain on his table. It also looked extremely fresh compared to the other stains on his table. The inkwell currently on the table also was a new one: the container has never been opened before.

In the brief moment that she was gone, he could get a small grasp on what happened recently in the shipgirls' lives and how general morale in the base was. The easiest way? The _Aoba Daily_ , of course. All recent major events, incidents, and shenanigans would find their way one way or another into the newspaper. As if foreshadowing some nefarious development, Aoba's cheerful voice boomed from the makeshift newspaper stand that she created.

"COME COME, READ ALL ABOUT IT! THE REVOLUTION THAT LASTED ONLY A NIGHT! READ ALL ABOUT IT IN THE _AOBA DAILY_!"

That sounded suspicious. Quickly picking up a copy of a newspaper, he quickly retreated to the safety of his office before reading it.

There was no need to even open it up—the front page already confirmed his suspicions that the memories were not nightmares, but really happened. The front page picture? It was the moment when Verniy planted her foot on him in triumph.

At that moment, Verniy walked into the office with pirozhki fresh from the oven.

"Commander, it's done."

"Ah. Th-Thanks."

"It's nothing. I just want the Commander to try my pirozhki."

"Very well then, itadakimasu."

One bite of the pirozhki dispelled any doubts he had about his precious secretary ship.

"Mmm! This is good!"

"Thanks…" Verniy fidgeted a little after being praised.

He took this time to stare right at her.

Curious as to for what purpose he was staring right at her for, she could not help but ask.

"What are you staring at me for?"

The admiral smiled. "It's nothing."

And thus, another day, another shenanigan. The base continues with its normal life.

The picture:

Type in

danbooru dot donmai dot us/posts/1869434

The author of this drawing is takaoka nanase. The artist has a Pixiv account, but I'm not sure if I should provide a link to it, since the artist also has posted quite a few NSFW pictures.


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